Am I the only one who goes through the motions of digging my outfit while getting ready but after leaving the house falls into the second-guessing game? I’m not sure if it’s because I’m still learning how to accurately view my body or still learning how to love my body. Either way, I had an episode just like this over the weekend so; I decided to call myself out on it. Here’s what I learned.
I bought these super cute, army green cargo pants from Fashion Nova about a month ago and have anticipated wearing them ever since. Well, the perfect occasion and weather came together this past Sunday for the Pittsburgh Creative blogging network event and I couldn’t wait to build my outfit.
As I was getting ready and finished styling my look for the event, I was feeling myself. I paired the cargos with this super cute crew neck cropped sweatshirt that I purchased last year, also from Fashion Nova. I completed the look with some off white boots socks, classic butter Timbs, and chunky gold jewelry to add a city vibe. GORL! I loved the way my outfit came together, I loved how it fit, and I especially loved that my Kim Possible meets Jenny from the block concept actually came to fruition.
So I left the house.
When I got to the event, it began. I started to get intimidated because I was the only fat black blogger in attendance. My belly was out in all of her glory and it took me a good 5 minutes and 7 pull-in attempts to parallel park. By the 4th attempt, I was gone — flying down the slippery slope of self doubt and vulnerability.
Fortunately, I had my number 1 supporter, my fiancé, Joey with me and he could quickly tell I needed some reassurance. Shortly after that some of my blogger friends came through and also offered some comforting and encouraging words. After that the event did take a turn for the better. To be honest, from the moment I let self doubt creep in, I never did muster up enough confidence to feel how I felt when I was getting ready earlier that day, but having people around that gave me the energy I needed to stop tearing myself down was the big difference maker.
So, first things first. I am a little disappointed that after all this progress, I was still so quick to dive into doubting myself; however, I decided not to focus on the slip up, but instead put my attention on the progress I’ve made and how to further it. Despite my lingering issues about my belly and showing it, I continue to explore different fashions and wear items that push my limits as a fat woman; for that, I am proud. Secondly, I am a little taken back by how easy it was to start coming down on myself, I mean it happened like effortlessly. As I continue to push through my comfort zone and grow through my body acceptance and self love journey, I am realizing how crazy important a support system is to living your best life! If I would have been by myself on Sunday, I probably would have left the event just as soon as I stepped out of my car, but thankfully I had people who were willing to build me up when I was having difficulty doing it myself.
Support is important for obvious reasons but one of the most pertinent is so that your are built up on a regular and consistent basis. I look at it like charging your phone. Every night after a long day of using all of its energy, your phone needs to get charged up so its fueled for the next day. It works the same way for your energy, your inner peace, your aura, etc. Look sis, I know you have a lot going on— work, school, kids, partner, home making, bills, appearance—all that energy you put out everyday to take care of everything can be exhausting. You need to ensure your getting the proper nourishment for your spirit to thrive!
I am so grateful to have such wonderful people in my life that continuously use their energy to make me stronger. I adbmately encourage anyone who is on a body acceptance journey (or who isn’t) to surround yourself with like-minded people who believe in what you do and who you are. That way when the self doubt creeps in as you back your car into the parallel space and onto the curb for the 4th time in a row, you have the tools you need to pull forward and try a fifth time.