Category: Growth

Taking the Scenic Route

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Instant gratification has become the way of the world—particularly, the way of our world. Don’t get me wrong I don’t think anyone has ever been excited to be patient (…if that’s even possible), but there is something to be said for putting in the work and embracing the journey. Plus, if we are being totally honest, anything worth having is worth the work that goes into it, as I hear my momma’s voice saying, “You get what you pay for.”

You do get what you pay for.

I’ll give you an example.

During the first year of my undergrad, I was raped. I had no clue how to move forward after the assault. I didn’t know how to talk about it, I didn’t know how to process it, and I didn’t know how to heal from it, and it showed. I was struggling with feelings of shame, guilt, and unworthiness. I remember being consumed with confusion because I couldn’t determine if I was validated because some “wanted” me, or ashamed because I wasn’t worth loosing my virginity in a special or romantic way.

Photo by Aaryn Muhammad of ARYxGOLD FRAMES PHOTOGRAPHY

I went into survival mode and learned to cope with drugs, clothes, attention, and whatever else temporarily validated my insecurities. If I’m being real, I was so far gone it felt like the coping worked. I was living under the false pretense of happiness and fulfillment, and because no one was threatening my illusions of splendor, I invested in emptiness. Did you read that? I said because I lied to myself so much, for so long to cover up my pain, I built myself, my livelihood on an empty foundation. And I had no choice but to start over.

The part that stabs at my heart is I believed the copping worked, but it didn’t. It covered up adequately, but it didn’t work for personal growth and the healing process. I truly thought I had overcome my insecurities and hit a heavenly self-love plateau. In my illusion I was perfect, but behind the false lashes I was so far from fulfilled.

Photo by Aaryn Muhammad of ARYxGOLD FRAMES PHOTOGRAPHY

So many time we find ourselves doing things that make us feel good after trauma, and that’s cool but it’s important to remember to do things that are uncomfortable so we don’t end up living in toxicity.

I’ll be honest, these days I’m still working toward healing the right way. I’m still building the habit of wildly and unapologetically loving myself. I’m still growing into fulfillment, and that’s okay! Don’t get me wrong, it’s taking foreverrr, and the process is a messy one, but this time I want to intentionally invest in my best self. I needs that ROI, okay?! So, the ancestors and I are buckled in for the journey—we’re trusting the process in full and taking the scenic route.

Growing Vs Expanding

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It’s no secret your twenties are about growth, finding yourself, and learning to live on your own terms. The idea is to experience enough in your twenties that you’re ready to make better decisions once you hit 30. I’m no different. During my twenties I learned so much, I thought I learned it all. In fact, I remember thinking on my 28th birthday that I was set and not far from accomplishing my preconceived ideal life.

You see, at 28 I was in a serious relationship, had a decent job (with benefits, chile), had just bought a new car, and was on track to go back to school and finish my degree the following year. I was under the impression that I understood my desires and knew myself quite well, and in my mind, I was walking and moving through life with ease.

Photo by Aaryn Muhammad of ARYxGOLD FRAMES PHOTOGRAPHY

Things were good—er actually, things were blissful, but as the old adage goes, ignorance is bliss.

Somewhere between 27 and 30 I regressed. If I’m being completely honest, I grew comfortable in every aspect of my life. Now, you may be asking, how does one “grow comfortable?” Isn’t that oxymoronic? Well technically yes, but let me explain. Once I realized I was obliviously on the well-constructed path I curated for myself, or in other words, settling for living in ideal scenarios and social constructs, I let myself slack.

I stopped being active and eating healthy because I was good with how my body looked.

I stopped saving extra money because I already established a savings account.

I stopped applying to jobs because I was content with the one I had.

I stopped actually dating my boyfriend because we moved in together.

Photo by Aaryn Muhammad of ARYxGOLD FRAMES PHOTOGRAPHY

I outgrew my surroundings and found comfort in complacency, and truth be told, I liked it. I enjoyed the leisure and the lack of pressure, so much so, I began to grow in the wrong direction and instead of continuing to grow up, I grew laterally. I expanded. That’s cool for like businesses and stuff but people are more like flowers. People aren’t meant to expand, we’re meant to bloom. Bloom and grow forever.

I know what you’re thinking, “…but Ari, expanding is a positive thing…” –you’re right. Initially expansion sounds like a goal. The problem is expansion only occurs once you’ve oversaturated the current market. When we stay stagnant during seasons of growth, we expand in places that might work but aren’t necessarily the best or most fulfilling. When we expand and the world around us continues to grow, it’s only a matter of time until reality kicks in, and the missed opportunities, or regrets, are clear.

Life has a way of putting us in autopilot and just going through the motions. Now, with the pandemics of Covid-19, racism, and capitalism surging the streets, these cravings for complacency are stronger than ever, especially for Black women—we need a break. We need refuge—and rightfully so, we deserve comfort.

Photo by Aaryn Muhammad of ARYxGOLD FRAMES PHOTOGRAPHY

While I encourage you to take breaks and find joy in little, everyday moments, I urge you to find a lesson that inspires purpose. Keep growing, sis.

Cat Burton: Keeping Culture in Pittsburgh

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Catharyn Burton is a Pittsburgh treasure. Her knack for creative expression and director skills combined with her perspective of the industry as a woman of color, makes for a series of truly unique experiences from fashion shows to photo exhibits. Catharyn, or Cat as she prefers, uses her talents to curate, recruit for, and direct creative projects that go against the grain in an industry that thrives on being in trend.

Originally from Erie, PA she made her way to Pittsburgh after acquiring a degree in integrated marketing from Slippery Rock University. While at SRU, Cat was involved with many of the multicultural organizations, and helped them create a variety of successful events.

Reclaimed Roles: The Matrix photographed by Joe Lowrey

As a model and WOC, she’s experienced first hand the lack of diversity in the industry and how it’s affected her career. “My biggest struggle has been hair stylists not knowing how to “handle” my hair. I have gone to multiple sets for either print or runway where a majority of the models are assigned to get their hair done and the stylist is told to just leave mine as is.”

Experiences like these prompted Cat to create space to highlight concepts and ideas from other creatives whose perspectives are often overlooked.

Reclaimed Roles: A Christmas Carol photographed by Joe Lowrey

Styled by Example and Reclaimed Roles

Cat’s most recent projects are a fashion show which debuted back in March called Styled by Example, and a photo exhibit collaborated with several creatives in Pittsburgh, including MUA Martayla (@martymoment), stylist Alia (@aliassemakula), and photographer Joe Lowrey (@joelowreyphoto), called Reclaimed Roles.

“Styled by Example was created to celebrate Women’s History Month. I originally created it as an event at Slippery Rock University and wanted to showcase it to a larger audience,” Cat explains. The show highlighted women’s fashion trends from the 1920’s through today and each decade had its own stylist. Each stylist was able to curate their section, by choosing the music represented from their specified decade and creating a title for their section. Cat says she has already started planning for a bigger and better 2020 show as she hopes to, “progress Styled by Example into a brand that develops creative concepts and events.”

Reclaimed Roles: Kill Bill (left) and The Sound of Music (right) photographed by Joe Lowrey

Reclaimed Roles is Cat’s most recent project and is a series of photos recreated from popular movies with one key difference.

“I had originally reached out to Joe about doing a shoot recreating Alice in Wonderland at Randyland,” Cat explains. “That being the original shoot concept, I chose to work with a group of models that I already knew, and all were women of color. From the success of that shoot Joe and I decided to start doing more shoots recreating movie concepts with minorities portraying the traditionally white roles.”

Reclaimed Roles: The Blues Brothers photographed by Joe Lowrey

The goal of the exhibit was to highlight the lack of minority representation in the media industry. Aside from the already mentioned, Cat and Joe recreated scenes from A Christmas Carol, Kill Bill, The Matrix, The Sound of Music, and The Blues Brothers. The inspiration for the movies they chose came from movies Cat grew up on.

All in all, Cat is shaking up the industry with no intent to stop. She wants to change the narrative of the industry to be more inclusive all around. “I would love to get to a point where models with natural hair can walk on to any set and stylists have the knowledge and comfort level to just do their hair.” Her advice to others with the same mission is to collaborate. “Don’t be afraid to reach out to people in order to collaborate. There are a lot more people out their willing to help each other grow than I think people realize.”

Reclaimed Roles: Alice in Wonderland photographed by Joe Lowrey

You can learn more about Cat Burton and Styled by Example by following on social media at @cat_burton and @styledbyexample.

Loving Your Reflection: Loving the Skin You’re in Fashion Show

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Loving Your Reflection is a performance agency that hosts several body positive shows and events throughout Pittsburgh. This year, founder of Loving Your Reflection, Danielle Jackson Thorn, hosted an impeccable fashion show and performance called Loving the Skin You’re In, and it was filled with body love, shameless sexual expression, and the triumph that comes with finally loving and accepting the skin you’re in.

Facebook: Loving Your Reflection
Instagram: @loving_your_reflection

“The mission of Loving Your Reflection is to create a safe space for individuals to explore the relationships they have with their bodies and encourage them to change their inner narrative and learn to love the skin they’re in,” said Danielle. The show consisted of several different acts including performance art, belly dancing, spoken word, and of course, a fashion show. Danielle went on to say, “This event was necessary to bring together communities that may not have the chance to work together otherwise and highlight body diversity.” I had the privilege of taking part in this beautiful experience and not only got to meet some of the models and performers, but also got to observe backstage life, and walk in the show for one of my favorite brands, Fat Mermaids.

Above photos: Ari and Danielle rocking Fat Mermaids Tees during the show. Ari’s photo was taken by PJ Sage and Danielle’s was taken by Sarah Rose

Backstage

The air of a backstage right before and during the show is unlike any other. Yes, there are several performance people frantically running around and trying to contour the shit out of their faces, but more than that it is a community; a likeminded group of individuals, working collectively, and enhancing  the experience of the show and ultimately the perspective of the community. It’s similar to the magic you feel while dancing and singing to your favorite song in the mirror, but this time there’s a bunch of people dancing and singing with you and hyping you up! Honestly, it’s just one of those invigorating environments that will have you feeling anxious, fearless, nervous, brave, and empowered. Of course now I’m obsessed with recreating that atmosphere everywhere I go because it was such a good vibe.

Photo on the right was taken by Sarah Rose

What I wore and who I rocked on the runway

Ok, let’s talk outfit details. For the VIP meet and greet reception, we were required to wear black and change into runway attire once we were backstage before and during the show. I wore a fun and flirty off the shoulder LDB from Forever 21+. I paired it with yellow ruffle 2-inch heels and minimal jewelry.

As mentioned before, I rocked Fat Mermaids on the runway which was literally perfect because if you don’t know, Fat Mermaids is a body positive brand that mixes fashion with magic and it’s owned by a Black woman!  I was so hype to rock their “IDGAF About Your Diet, Susan” shirt. We styled the shirt tied up in the back with black swim bottoms, and a donut (yes, I literally ate a donut on the runway). It worked out beautifully.

Above pictures were taken by PJ Sage

Takeaways

One of the main takeaways from this experience was always keep growing. I know I say that a lot, but that’s because it is an ever evolving process and to be honest, I’m really reminding myself more so than preaching at y’all. Another takeaway I gained is to trust your creativity, and find people that believe in it just as much as you do. As mentioned before, the energy backstage was off the charts, but that’s because everyone was spawning positive vibes due to believing in each other’s individuality (now, imagine if America operated like this!). Finally, I was reminded to stop taking myself so seriously. So many times we get caught up in making sure our ideal image is the one we portray, and we literally miss the moment we are living through. Being in the company of so many beautifully different people encouraged me to harness my me and let her be great; hence, the donut on the runway.

Photo by Sarah Rose

I had such an amazing time at the show. I would like to send a special thank you to Danielle Jackson Thorn and her team for inviting me to take part in this epic experience and believing in my mission enough to showcase it in this production. I’m so grateful for this space, and look forward to seeing what Loving Your Reflection has in store for the future. I’d also like to thank Fat Mermaids for trusting me to rock their brand and helping facilitate body diversity.

What Christmas Means to Me

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I must admit that although it has been increasingly hard to celebrate the holidays in recent years, I love Christmas. I love Christmas because my mom loves Christmas and always makes the home and environment so warm and loving. Most of my love for this holiday comes from childhood traditions like helping my mom make cookies from scratch while The Christmas Song by Nat King Cole played in the background, or watching A Muppet Christmas Carol on Christmas eve while my mom reminisced on the first time she took me to the movies to see that exact film. But lately it’s different.

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Comfort Zone Check: Growing Through Self Doubt

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Am I the only one who goes through the motions of digging my outfit while getting ready but after leaving the house falls into the second-guessing game? I’m not sure if it’s because I’m still learning how to accurately view my body or still learning how to love my body. Either way, I had an episode just like this over the weekend so; I decided to call myself out on it. Here’s what I learned.

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Just Keep Swimming

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It is quite fitting that my very first blog post is about my mom.

My mom is the mom that everyone knows and loves. It’s to the point that when I tell people who my mom is, I say it as if I’m bragging or name dropping. Like, did you hear me? I said my mom is Ms. Alexander, yes as in the Ms. Alexander. Often times I sit and reflect on all of the things my mom selflessly sacrificed to take care of our family. I also think about all the lives she changed and impacted as a School Counselor for the past 15 years.

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